The Tongue Is A Fire

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings - Week 2; Day 1

Have you ever had words come out of your mouth that you wished you could take back even as you spoke them?  You let your anger get the best of you and yelled at your kid even though you knew you were taking your frustrations out on him.  Or you felt trapped in a corner and lashed out at your husband or your roommate.  When frustration and anger are held inside, they build up intensity until they have nowhere to go but an explosion at the nearest, often unsuspecting person.  It can be your spouse or a total stranger.  It can be your dog or cat, for that matter!

The Bible says:  "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body" (James 3:5-6).  Our words can do incredible damage.

They can abuse.  They can tear down one's self-esteem.  They can drive a knife through someone's heart.  Used over and over to wear someone down, they can ruin an entire life.

Words can also do incredible good.  They can make a person feel like a million bucks.  They can give someone hope.  They can give someone courage.  They can make someone feel loved and valued.  All of this simply by the words we speak.

But words don't come out of a vacuum, either.  Jesus taught that what we say begins in the heart. 

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For out of the ovreflow of his heart his mouth speaks."  (Luke 6:45).

If we are going to speak sweeter, then the work has to start inside.  Bring those angry and hurtful things to the Lord.  Get mad at him if you need to; he can handle it.  Let him replace negative influences with his love and acceptance.  Focus on the fruits of the Spirit which are ... "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23).  These are the qualities the Spirit of God is already developing in you, and you can call upon them as needed.  These are also the qualities that will sweeten your speech.

As you seek to speak sweeter, here are some practical things to help you.
1.  Try not to be reactive.  Many of our most damaging words come as knee-jerk reactions to being hurt or wounded.

2.  Pause ... take sixty seconds.  "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).  Learn to think first before you speak.  The damage is done when our emotions take a shortcut by our brain and go straight to our tongue.  Practice putting some separation between your emotions and your words.  If you need a time out, take it.  Time outs aren't just for kids and ball players, you know.

3.  Listen, observe and discover.  Find out the words that make those you live with and love feel treasured and valued.  Remember, you don't have much time.  Say it, instead of wishing you'd said it when it's too late.

Reflective Questions -
1.  Do an inventory on the condition of your heart.  Besides the fruits of the Spirit listed above, there are what Paul calls "acts of the sinful nature ... hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissentions, factions and envy" (Galatians 5:14-21).  Do any of these words describe what's in your heart?  What fruits of the Spirit will best combat them?

2.  Talk to your spouse/roommate/family members about establishing a "time out rule".  Set some ground rules for it so everyone has permission to use it.

3.  Which of the three practical steps in this daily reading is the one you most need to practice?