Roses On Wednesday

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings ... Week 3; Day 3

The first roses came on a Wednesday when Horton came back into Edna's live after leaving for a season.  He showed up at her doorstep with a dozen roses and his issues resolved, and in her words, "We embraced, and it was all over."

So began the story of a remarkable marriage - average perhaps to most who knew them casually, but remarkable to anyone privileged to get a closer look.  For what one found on the inside observing this could even after 40+ years of marriage was a man supremely delighted with his wife, and a woman supremely happy in the love of her husband.  Had this couple found out they had only one more day together, I honestly don't think much would have changed because they were already living love for each other to the limit.

When I asked Horton if there was a secret to their relationship, he told me the story that has come to be known in my house as "Roses on Wednesday."  Yes see the roses weren't only for that first Wednesday.  They would continue to come every Wednesday for the rest of their lives together.

When it became clear that there was something special about Wednesdays, Edna asked him why.  He told her that Wednesday with her was not just a day to get you one day closer to the weekend; it was simply, a phenomenal day.

King Solomon gave us a similar piece of advice.  "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth" (Proverbs 5:18 NLT).

Horton's secret was to take an ordinary day and use it to express extraordinary love.  And, likewise, Proverbs 5 says that we husbands have a choice to see and treat our wives as a fountain of blessing.  Regardless of the circumstances, I can choose to rejoice in the wife of my youth.

Husbands, remember when you first laid eyes on your wife -- how beautiful she was?  It started with us, and so it continues.  Happy wives have husbands who keep seeing them as beautiful.  And one tangible way to communicate that is to make Wednesday a phenomenal day:  It doesn't have to be a dozen roses.  One works just as well.  And if roses don't work for you, find out what does.  Vary it from week to week.  Believe me, it's a simple gesture with magical results.

And for those of you who aren't married, keep this as an example for when you are.  And in the meantime, do something thoughtful and extraordinary for someone you love.  Don't be afraid to be extravagant.  After all, you never know when will be your last opportunity to bring roses on Wednesday.

Follow Horton's example and you will already be living like you were dying, because you will be demonstrating your love on a regular basis.

Reflection Questions:
1.  When did someone surprise you with extraordinary and extravagant love?

2.  Okay guys, here's the truth:  If you want to take this on as a habit, it doesn't matter that everyone in your church, including your wife, has now been exposed to this concept.  She will still see what you do as something special, unique and full of surprise.  Guaranteed.  So get creative.  Then, pick you day and method ... and just do it.

Love In Any Language

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings … Week 3; Day 2

“Je t’aime.”

“Ich liebe dich.”

“Ti amo.”

“Mimi nakupenda.”

“Techihhila.”

“Nanun tongshinum sarang hamnida.”

Recognize any of these?  They all say the same thing in French, German, Italian, Swahili, Sioux, and Korean.  They are the most important words you would want to speak if you were going to speak sweeter and you had a limited amount of time to do it.  You know what they are.  They are the words, “I love you” – the most important words in any language, and yet sometimes, the hardest to say.

In our family, when we say our goodbyes over the phone to each other we always say, “I love you.”  It’s standard procedure and sometimes feel a little dorky (especially to my kids when they are around their friends) but if you knew your condition was terminal you would not want to shortchange anyone from even one expression of love. 

I just spoke today with a friend recovering from open-heart surgery.  I wouldn’t call him a really close friend necessarily, but at the end of the conversation I had the strongest urge to tell him I loved him.  Now I wouldn’t normally do that at this stage in a relationship, but it was his physical fragility and proximity to death that brought it out.  I’m pretty sure I was saying:   “Hey, I’m just starting to really like you, and I almost lost you.  We’re going to spend eternity together, but no so darn fast!”  I’m not sure I completely know why, but when life is precious, love is easier to express.

Romans 12:9-10 (NLT) says, “Don’t just pretend that you love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong.  Stand on the side of the good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

Love is always a big part of any equation in the Body of Christ.  Here Paul challenges us to love with genuine affection.  And I believe we are speaking here of love both lived out and spoken.

Some may be quick to point out that love only spoken falls short of love acted out, but neither one of these should be taken at the expense of the other.  We all need verbal reaffirmation of love.  You can’t just know you are loved.  You can’t run year after year on the unspoken assumption that someone loves you.  We need to hear it.  We hear it from the Word of God over and over and we can never get enough.  We need to hear it from each other as well.

A good idea would be to say, “I love you,” when it’s not expected.  Our family habit of saying “I love you” when we hang up the phone is fine, but an “I love you” in the middle of the day or the middle of a sentence shows that you are actually thinking about your love for someone.  It’s not just a habit.  It’s a real expression from the heart.  God knows we all need that, in any language.

Reflective thoughts –

1.        What are some of the barriers you have to verbalizing your love?  What can you do to overcome those barriers?

2.       How many times a day do you say “I love you” in your family?  Increase that number today!

3.       Think about how you can speak your love in more unexpected ways.  How can you remind yourself to do this?

What Will Last

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings … Week 3; Day 1

“There are three things that will endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT)

When time is running out, the main things suddenly become the main things.  The unnecessary falls away.  If you knew you were looking forward to eternity with God, you would want to spend your last days focusing on that which would translate from this life to the next.  When you think of it, the things that last make up a pretty short list.

When asked to name the greatest commandment in the law, Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).

What an amazing revelation.  There are two things, and only two, we experience now that will carry on into eternity:  our relationship with God, and our relationships with one another – and love is the driving force that holds them together.  That is all.  Love, as the Bible defines it, is truly the greatest thing in the world.  Love is of God, and God is love.  You can’t get any closer to the heart of God.

1 Corinthians 13 defines love for us, and since love is the greatest thing in the world, we should be all over this.  Let’s take a look.

“Love is patient and kind.”  Patience gives people time to change.  It gives them the benefit of the doubt.  When I am impatient with my children, it’s because I am thinking of myself first.  I have my own agenda they are messing up.  This is why kindness is right on the heels of patience: it takes kindness to not act out of your own impatience.  By being kind, I am appreciating the value of those around me, and taking their good into consideration.

“Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.”  All of these ugly things spring from the self.  Love does not take its own needs into account, mainly because it has no needs; it is all about giving.  Love extends outward toward others, never inward toward self, because it is entirely unselfconscious.  It does not “demand its own way.”

“Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.”  This is not allowing others to walk all over you, it is merely saying, “Yes, you wronged me – yes, that hurt – but I am choosing not to hold it against you.  In fact, if you bring it up again, I will not know what you are talking about.”

“[Love] is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.”  Love is impartial and seeks what is right and just for everyone.  Love knows what is right, and does it, even if there is a price to be paid for speaking the truth.  And why not, when you’re living like you were dying anyway?

Finally, “love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance …”  even the ultimate circumstance of death itself.  Forget the Energizer Bunny, love just keeps on going.

Reflection Thoughts –

1.        How much do the characteristics of love you just read about define your relationships?

2.       Which ones are you doing well in and which ones do you need to pay attention to?

3.       Pick one characteristic of love you would like to grow in, then develop a prayer and plan to see more of it in your life.

Say It

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings – Week 2; Day 5

My wife and I were in a meeting with the head of a new tutoring program for our son, along with a supervisor and his tutor who is twentysomething with long black hair and pretty dark eyes.  She has taken up a new job on the side as a clothing sort manager and significantly upgraded her appearance from when our son started the program.  Today, coming straight from work, she was nothing short of stunning.

Our meeting began like a standard business meeting.  We all ignored the elephant in the room, which was this woman’s sheer beauty, until my wife, never at a loss for words, turned  to her and blurted out in the middle of a sentence about something else, “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how absolutely beautiful you are.”  The tutor flushed while the other two women appeared flustered for a moment, and then the meeting continued on as before yet with a sense of genuine value that had trumped lesser thoughts.

As the truth always does, my wife’s acknowledgment cut through whatever inappropriate thoughts or games were going on right then in our minds.  My temptation to see my son’s tutor as anything other than someone beautiful God created, the other two women’s probable jealousy, not to mention my wife’s struggle in that same area, all dissipated into sheer appreciation of the truth.  It was no big deal.  It was just my wife speaking sweeter.

You and I have the power to change someone’s life.  We can acknowledge the beauty that is there or pull out the beauty that is hidden – the beauty of soul and character where only God looks.  “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).  We can find the beauty where there is old age, sadness, deformity, or just plain run of the mill drabness.  We have the power to make someone better with our words or lesser without them.

My wife’s comment was not out of character for her.  She does this all the time.  It is her gift to encourage and life up others and I have noticed that people love to be around her as a result.  She does this unselfishly, and I marvel at how a person’s sense of who they are can blossom around this kind of verbal affirmation.  With so much wearing and tearing down in the world, we could all use more lifting up.

The writer of Hebrews says “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13).  We are challenged to encourage “today” because when you think about it, that is really all we have.  Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is unknown.

God spoke the world into existence.  That’s how powerful words are.  If the same God is telling you to say something, you’d better say it.  And don’t wait.  You may not get a chance tomorrow.

Reflection Questions:

1.  Think about a time when someone encouraged you by something they said.  How did it make you feel?  Knowing that, seek to encourage someone every day this week.

2.  If someone were to follow you around this week, which would describe you more – critical or complimentary?  Gracious or grumpy?  Building up or tearing down?

3.  Write down what God is telling you to say to someone, and say it.

On-The-Spot Praying

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings – Week 2; Day 4

One of the most powerful ways we can “speak sweeter” is praying not only for people but with them.  There is nothing quite like the gentle strength of a person praying over you.

Have you ever had someone stop everything and pray for you?  You were talking with them on the phone or standing in the parking lot having a conversation and that person sensed something in your voice that said you were particularly worried or stressed, so he or she put a hand on your shoulder and said, “Would you mind if I prayed for you right now?”  Suddenly you felt the tension go out of your body, you were flooded with warmth, and the words from that person’s mouth flowed like cool water over your thirsty soul.  “May I pray for you?” may be some of the sweetest words to come out of someone’s mouth.  It’s not only the prayer; it’s the fact that someone cares enough to notice a need and do something about it.

Some Christians have been known to say this to perfect strangers when sensing someone in great distress.  Few people, regardless of their beliefs, will turn down prayer especially in a time of need.

We need to be quicker on the draw when it comes to praying for each other.  We need to get more in the habit of praying on the spot for people instead of saying we will pray for them at some time in the future.  The latter is a statement of intention, and we all know what can happen to our best intentions.  Pray on the spot, because otherwise you might forget; and pray on the spot, because your verbal prayer can do for someone in and of itself.  If you’re on the Internet, type your prayer and send it.

My mother touched hundreds of people’s lives from her breakfast room.  She was what some people call a “prayer warrior” and she has a team of other warriors she would call up in severe cases.  People would call her and she would always pray for them over the phone.  You wouldn’t believe the number of people who came forward at her memorial service to remember what those prayers meant to them.

Prayer becomes more essential the nearer we come to the end.  Here’s what Peter said about it:  “The end of all things is near.  Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray” (1 Peter 4:7).  Of all the things he could have said given that the end of near, prayer seems the least likely.  Yet it is the first thing he mentions.  And notice he doesn’t say to pray, but to be continually in a state of mind where you are ready to pray.  When you are ready to pray, you are more likely to be on the spot with your prayers.  When you’re ready to pray, you’ll find there are people who need it all around you.

Reflection Questions:
1.  Make a list of people you would like to pray for and begin to look for an opportunity to pray for them in person.

2.  It’s hard to speak ill of someone or gossip about them when you are praying for them.  Is there anyone in your life for whom prayer would sweeten the way you speak about them?

3.  Read Ephesians 1:14-19 which is a prayer by the Apostle Paul.  Notice how different his prayer is than our prayers.  Make a list of things he prays for and start praying the same things for your friends.

Finding The Words

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings … Week 2; Day 3

What keeps us from saying what we really feel to those we love?  If we are afraid, what are we afraid of?  What are some of the barriers that keep us from expressing what is really in our hearts?  How can we remove them?

I’m sure you know the feeling.  The love is there – you may even rehearse what you are going to say – but when you open your mouth in that person’s presence something else comes out, or in some cases, nothing at all.  You might even notice yourself doing or saying exactly the opposite of what you really want.

We are all victims of the patterns that have formed in our lives and relationships – well-worn grooves into which we fall without trying.  And maybe that’s part of the problem right there:  we aren’t trying.  These patterns can become so deep, it takes something earth-shattering to force us out of them.  This change of perspective is precisely the by-product of living like you were dying.

If you were dying, you would find it easier to say the things you always wanted to say to your loved ones.  In the Old Testament, when Jacob was about to die, he called his sons together.  “… these are the blessing with which Jacob blessed his twelve sons.  Each received a blessing that was appropriate to him” (Genesis 49:28 NLT).

What we’re talking about doing during these thirty days is changing the lens through which we see people.  Don’t wait until you are on your deathbed to speak words of blessing.

Here are some ways you might do this.  If it’s a spouse, remember the one you married – the wife/husband of your youth.  Recall why you loved them in the first place and reattach yourself to that love.  If it’s a child or sibling, remember their best qualities.  See them as you would see them from your deathbed and bless them for who they are.  If it’s a parent, regardless of how they may have failed you, they gave you the gift of life and for that you can be eternally grateful.  Remember that have had their own struggles in life, some of which you may never understand, because they lived in a different time and place.

Don’t be shy.  Speak what’s in your heart; this may be your last chance to let someone know.  Don’t leave your loved ones wondering if you loved them just because you didn’t have a chance to tell them.  Tell them now.

When it comes to speaking your heart, there is no better time than the present.  And if you can’t express what you really want to say, try living like you were dying.

Reflection Questions –

1.  What are some of your barriers to speaking sweeter to those you love?

2.  Ironically we usually experience the greatest barriers to expressing our true feeling with the ones we know the best.  Think about that person in light of what you would say to them if you were dying.  Write it down if you need to, then commit yourself to saying it soon … TODAY.

3.  One of the most powerful ways to speak sweeter is through writing a letter.  Consider taking the time to write a “love letter” to somebody you care about deeply.

A Kind Word

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings - Week 2; Day 2

“Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” (Proverbs 16:24 NLT)

My neighbor walked out of her house the other morning looking like she had the world on her shoulders.  All the way to the car, her gaze was fixed on the ground and I could see the furrows on her brow from across the street.  She was so set on her moody thoughts that she didn’t see me pacing in front of my house cooling down from a morning jog.  My neighbor does a good deal of traveling, so I really meant it when I yelled over to her, “Hi Doris!  It’s so nice to see you around these days!”

Well you wouldn’t believe the change in countenance that swept instantly over her face.  I’ve never seen anything like it – such a dramatic change.  I could almost read her thoughts.  It was as if she were saying, “Your words are so much better than what I was just thinking about.  I think I’ll choose your version of this moment right now over mine!”

We underestimate the difference we can make in someone’s life, even a stranger’s, with a kind word.

We live such isolated lives these days behind invisible walls.  We walk by each other on the street, stand next to each other in the elevator, wash our hands beside each other in the restroom without a word or even an acknowledgment that the other exists.  So many people are afraid, trapped in their own private loneliness.  This isolation presents an incredible opportunity for those of us who are followers of Christ.  There’s enough time left to overcome that fear and reach out to someone with a smile and a kind word.

Yes, even a smile can do it.  When you smile at someone you are saying, “I see you there.  Whoever you are, and whatever you are going through, you are worth noticing.”  Try it and watch people light up.

John Kevin Hines is one of a handful of people who have survived an attempted suicide jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.  He claims to have told himself that if any one of the hundreds of people he rubbed shoulders with on the way to the bridge noticed he was distraught, and asked him what was wrong, he wouldn’t jump.  That’s all it would have taken – another human being to acknowledge his existence.  No one did.  On his way down he literally got a hold of his life and asked God for a second chance, which is miraculously what he got, or we never would have heard how he was a smile away from death.

It doesn't take much.  Just a few simple words to my neighbor that morning actually changed her countenance and outlook.  And, I can't help but believe that the smile on her face lasted at least a few blocks down the road.  Who knows, it might have just altered her whole day.

Reflection Questions -

1.  Think back to an occasion when someone spoke words of encouragement to you just at the time you needed them.  What difference did it make in your life?

2.  Is there someone you see regularly whose life you could affect by a kind word or two?

3.  Make it your goal to make eye contact with people you pass throughout the day and acknowledge their existence.  And say a kind word to those you see regularly like store clerks, bank tellers, waiters or neighbors.