A Better Love Story

I don't think the Christian blogisphere needs another opinion on 50 Shades of Gray. I've read a number of opinions on the film and what an appropriate response from Christians should be. 

That horse is dead. (Unfortunately, dead horses still earn 80 million at the box office on opening weekend.)  

I lament that the Church is often reactive instead of proactive. We wait until a movie like this is released, and then we react as if God is back on his heels. The best response to the destructive sexual narratives of our culture is to tell a better love story. 

I did not plan it this way when I set my 2015 preaching calendar back in November, but our February sermon series through the Song of Solomon coincided with the release of this film. God is not back on his heels. He gave us "The Song" several thousand years ago as a way to tell a better love story. I have purposefully refused to draw excess attention to any singular destructive sexual narrative of our culture because I'm convinced God's love story is enough. The exaltation of the good is always better than an exposition of the bad. 

On the same night the world was flocking to see 50 Shades, we gathered as the people of God and invited our friends to see City on a Hill's latest production, The Song (www.thesongmovie.com). I don't normally promote Christian movies. Sometimes I wonder if bad acting and cheap production does more to push people away from faith than draw them in. However, this movie is good...really good. It's a 21st century telling of Solomon's story. It's his love story, but it's also about his search for ultimate meaning. (The music is amazing, too. I immediately downloaded it after the movie.)  

We will finish our walk through the Song of Solomon this Sunday. My prayer is that reflection upon these texts have increased my congregation's understanding of God’s vision for romance, intimacy, and marriage. 

Our culture doesn’t know as much about love as it thinks it does. Our music, TV shows, and movies try to capture the emotion and feeling of love. However, they do little to fully explore the deep and rich reality of love.

Christian tradition is clear as to why they miss the mark: Love cannot be separated from commitment. Our culture is in “love with love”, but not so much "in love" with the commitments necessary for love to be fully realized and experienced. The pinnacle of commitment is the covenant of marriage. Marriage is the soil in which the seeds of love are able to grow.

I’m no horticulturalist, but I know that shallow and inhospitable soil equals bad fruit. Is the same not true of love? The sweetest fruit comes from trees rooted in good soil. Soil is cultivated, tilled, enriched, and watered through the commitment of the farmer.

How is the soil of your marriage? Are you tending it daily? Are you committed to keeping out weeds and other destructive influences? We all want to enjoy the fruit of love. I pray we also learn to appreciate the commitments that must precede the harvest. In this way we will allow the beauty of Christian marriage to tell the world a better love story. 

Living Like You Were Dying

Taken from the Live Like You Were Dying Daily Readings ... Week 4; Day 5

As we come to the end of this 30-day journey, we conclude with some thoughts from a young man whose life, even at only twenty years, resonates with the source of our study.

Michael Simon believes that the song, "Live Like You Were Dying" is sort of a theme song for him.  "I grab life by the horns and dont let go -- seizing the day and squeezing the life out of it for all it is worth.  Because of my mother's nine-year battle with breast cancer, I don't really take time for granted.  I don't leave questions unasked and don't hesitate to express love in any form."

Here is a young man who has lived for the last nine years considering each day in the company of his mother to be his last.  Three things he brings up here are significant conclusions for our study.

1.  Make the most of every moment.  It may be the last.

As we have seen, times is a precious commodity.  Michael realizes that and spends it wisely and passionately.  He is acutely aware of time passiing, and each new day he has with his mother is a blessing.  And this has been going on for nine years!  His example gives a realistic picture of what living like you were dying can actually do for you.  It puts you in a state of suspended animation that forces you to not take anything for granted but to be thankful in all things.  It is like a "time alert" that steps up all areas of alertness.

Jesus spoke of this mindset in Marks 13:33 when he said of his return:  "Be on guard!  Be alert!  You do not know when that time will come."  He is telling us to live each day as if it were our last.

2.  Live with no regrets - no unfinished business.

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 3:13-14).

Michael doesn't look back.  What has happened has happened.  He is more concerned with discovering the "what now's" of the present and the future than he is the "why's" of the past.  He doesn't leave anything unasked, and I have a feeling he's not waiting around for the answer, either.  Answers come to those who seek.  Michael has no regrets because he knows everything that happens, happens for a reason, and his life is all about wrestling those reasons out of his experiences.

3.  Love with urgency

Michael doesn't hesitate to express love in any form.  I would take this to mean that he shares his love for his mom in words, in deeds, in remembering what is important to her, in sending her notes and reminders of his love, in listening when she needs to talk, and being silent when the last thing she needs is someone giving her advice.  Maybe he takes her to places she loves where she can do what she loves to do.

And here's the final word and it's very important.  Michael lives this way in relation to his mother, but everyone else in his life gets the benefit, because this intensity spills over into all of his other relationships and responsibilities as well.  because of her, he takes nothing for granted.  Can you say the same?

Reflective Thoughts ...
1.  What have you learned as a result of this study?  How would you like to live differently as a result of these last thirty days?

2.  As we conclude this study, ask God to put you on a time alert -- to view life in slow motion so as to appreciate every moment for what it is.

3.  Commit yourself to continuing to meet with your group or even one other person weekly to remind each other to live like you were dying.  It's only as you actually face this possibility together that you can benefit from its perspective.

The Power of Forgiveness

Taken for the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings ... Week 4; Day 3

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34).

These familiar words in Christ were uttered from the cross about the people who were in the act of crucifying him on false charges.  It's hard to imagine a more demanding circumstance for forgiveness to be offered.  It is the ultimate example of forgiveness, and it was extended to us in that we all participated in his death via our sins.  It is a high standard indeed that Christ set.

A current expression of unusual forgiveness from a human standpoint was set in motion on April 16, 2007, when a twenty-three-year-old Virginia Tech student coldly and methodically took the lives of thirty-two of his classmates before turning the gun on himself and ending his own lonely, tragic life.  As the events were reported and interpreted, conflicting opinions surfaced about how many died that day.  Was it thirty-two, or thirty-three?  Those who say thirty-two refuse to place any value on the life of someone who would do such a thing.  He was an animal or a demon -- short of being human -- and unworthy of being given the same values as the lives he took.  Those who say thirty-three saw the shooter as a person with value as well, a deeply disturbed person with no friends but still created in the image of God.

Funeral and memorial services are sometimes tough on family members.  At a loved one's death, we rejoice in the hope of heaven, but we also feel our own mortality more than ever.

We wonder if we have sufficientely said our peace.  Have grudges been resolved and disappointments been forgiven?  Could we have done something to shave the distance that still existed between us?  A helplessness sets in as the end nears.

But there is also a warm, enveloping blanket of God's grace over this all.  We feel our own mortality, see someone else's, and yet somehow there is an ability to accept, as the Serenity Prayer has it, "what we cannot change."

The only regret we may have is:  Why didn't we come to this realization sooner?  Why do we have to be near the end before we can let go?  We apply God's grace and forgiveness at the end because we don't have a choice; we need to learn how to do this while we do have a choice.

Forgiveness is all about letting go.  Those who don't forgive are the ones who find themselves mired in their own hostility and blame, headed toward becoming the very thing they hate.  We think we are setting the other person free by forgiving, but we are really doing ourselves the biggest favor.  Forgivess becomes for us a sigh of relief -- a newfound freedom.

The Serenity Prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr, and popularized through Alcoholics Anonymous movement, is a fitting prayer for living like you were dying.
 
       God grant me the serenity
       To accept the things I cannot change;
       Courage to change the things I can;
       And wisdom to know the difference.

Part of what we cannot change is what others have done to us.  Part of what we can change is to forgive them and release them from our judgment.  It takes courage, but we have to forgive in order to be at peace with others and ourselves.  We can forgive.  We can let it go.  And the sooner we do this, the better.  Don't wait until someone's deathbed, or your own.

Many people do not realize that the Serenity Prayer doesn't end there.  The rest of this prayer may not be as well known as the first four line, but it is well suited for our study.

     Living one day at a time;
     Enjoying one moment at a time;
     Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
     Taking, as He did, this sinful world
     As it is, not as I would have it;
     Trusting that He will make all things right
     If I surrender to His Will;
     That I may be resonably happy in this life
     And supremely happy with Him
     Forever in the next.
     Amen.

This is the essence of forgiveness:  surrender of our expectations, our rights, and our pride to God's will; giving him control in our lives and trusting that he has our best in mind in all circumstances.

Some of you are trapped in the hold of particularly helpless form of unforgiveness, because the person you are unwilling to forgive is no longer alive.  You can't find peace, because you can't go to them, nor can they release you.  But God can release you, in fact he already has.  All that remains is for you to believe him and let go.  So let it go, and step into the freedom of God's forgivenss, both for you and for the person you need to forgive.  It's your choice now.

Reflective thoughts:

1.  When was the last time you lost a relative, friend, or neighbor?  Were you on good terms? Were you close?  Could you have been closer?  What were your regrets?  Now take those regrets and apply the lesson learned to someon who is alive.  Determine a plan of action for that person.

2.  Is there someone with whom you have having a conflict?  If that person were dying, would you go to them?  What would you say?

3.  Are you unable to forgive someone who has passed on?  Even though they are gone, it can be helpful to write that person a letter, and set them and yourself free.

Why Not Forgive

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Reading Journal ... Week 4; Day 2

"What do we think we are gaining by not forgiving someone?  Have you ever thought about that?  Being unforgiving is something of which we're not very conscious; it's a natural human reaction to being hurt.  That's probably because, if we actually thought through what we were doing, we would see how useless it is.  However, today let's think about it.

The main reason we withhold forgiveness is most often a desire for justice, which isn't entirely wrong.  Justice is good and right, but not in our hands.  Only God can judge fairly and impartially.  Yet someone needs to pay for wrongs done, and we think that by not forgiving someone we are evening the score.  If someone has hurt us, we believe our refusal to forgive is a way of hurting that person back -- letting the offender know just how serious an offense they have committed.  We might even think we are giving God a helping hand with justice.  To forgive would be to "let them off the hook," when what we really want to do is inflict upon them something of the pain they have caused us.

But think a little further about this.  What do we actually accomplish by refusing to forgive?  Usually not what we seek.  Payment extracted is rarely equal to the crime.  We damage ourselves far more in this process than we do anyone else.  We think we are making a big impact by not forgiving someone when, in fact, we are only carrying on our own private vendetta in our heads.  Hold a grudge and so what?  Everyone's lives move on -- everyone, that is except our own.  That is how it goes when we deny forgiveness:  we try to punich someone, but in reality, we are the ones who remain in prison.

If justice is the big deal (and it is) we are not good disseminators of it.  Here's what the Bible says about this:  "Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written:  'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord" (Romans 12:17-19).

Justice will be done, but not by our hand.  In fact, we don't want to have anything to do with this business, because if we do, we are placing ourselves under God's judgment as well.

Which do you want for yourself:  God's justice, or God's mercy?  I can't think, given this choice, why anyone in his right mind would choose God's justice; and yet, when we judge someone else, this is what we are doing.  We are announcing to God that we are choosing that we are choosing justice over mercy.

On the other hand, if we want mercy, then that is what we must give.  We can't have it both ways.  We can't have mercy for ourselves, and justice for all the people we don't like.

So "as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Reflective thoughts -
1.  Think about a time when you were denying forgiveness to someone.  Sometimes unforgiveness disguises itself.  Search your heart.  Is there bitterness, cynicism, or distrust?  Seriously consider this question, "How has my lack of forgiveness impacted my life?"

2.  This week, be a peacemaker.  Don't be so easily offended.  Don't cling so tightly to your rights.  Be a little more understanding and see if anyone notices.

Roses On Wednesday

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings ... Week 3; Day 3

The first roses came on a Wednesday when Horton came back into Edna's live after leaving for a season.  He showed up at her doorstep with a dozen roses and his issues resolved, and in her words, "We embraced, and it was all over."

So began the story of a remarkable marriage - average perhaps to most who knew them casually, but remarkable to anyone privileged to get a closer look.  For what one found on the inside observing this could even after 40+ years of marriage was a man supremely delighted with his wife, and a woman supremely happy in the love of her husband.  Had this couple found out they had only one more day together, I honestly don't think much would have changed because they were already living love for each other to the limit.

When I asked Horton if there was a secret to their relationship, he told me the story that has come to be known in my house as "Roses on Wednesday."  Yes see the roses weren't only for that first Wednesday.  They would continue to come every Wednesday for the rest of their lives together.

When it became clear that there was something special about Wednesdays, Edna asked him why.  He told her that Wednesday with her was not just a day to get you one day closer to the weekend; it was simply, a phenomenal day.

King Solomon gave us a similar piece of advice.  "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth" (Proverbs 5:18 NLT).

Horton's secret was to take an ordinary day and use it to express extraordinary love.  And, likewise, Proverbs 5 says that we husbands have a choice to see and treat our wives as a fountain of blessing.  Regardless of the circumstances, I can choose to rejoice in the wife of my youth.

Husbands, remember when you first laid eyes on your wife -- how beautiful she was?  It started with us, and so it continues.  Happy wives have husbands who keep seeing them as beautiful.  And one tangible way to communicate that is to make Wednesday a phenomenal day:  It doesn't have to be a dozen roses.  One works just as well.  And if roses don't work for you, find out what does.  Vary it from week to week.  Believe me, it's a simple gesture with magical results.

And for those of you who aren't married, keep this as an example for when you are.  And in the meantime, do something thoughtful and extraordinary for someone you love.  Don't be afraid to be extravagant.  After all, you never know when will be your last opportunity to bring roses on Wednesday.

Follow Horton's example and you will already be living like you were dying, because you will be demonstrating your love on a regular basis.

Reflection Questions:
1.  When did someone surprise you with extraordinary and extravagant love?

2.  Okay guys, here's the truth:  If you want to take this on as a habit, it doesn't matter that everyone in your church, including your wife, has now been exposed to this concept.  She will still see what you do as something special, unique and full of surprise.  Guaranteed.  So get creative.  Then, pick you day and method ... and just do it.