The Power of Forgiveness

Taken for the Live Like You Are Dying Daily Readings ... Week 4; Day 3

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34).

These familiar words in Christ were uttered from the cross about the people who were in the act of crucifying him on false charges.  It's hard to imagine a more demanding circumstance for forgiveness to be offered.  It is the ultimate example of forgiveness, and it was extended to us in that we all participated in his death via our sins.  It is a high standard indeed that Christ set.

A current expression of unusual forgiveness from a human standpoint was set in motion on April 16, 2007, when a twenty-three-year-old Virginia Tech student coldly and methodically took the lives of thirty-two of his classmates before turning the gun on himself and ending his own lonely, tragic life.  As the events were reported and interpreted, conflicting opinions surfaced about how many died that day.  Was it thirty-two, or thirty-three?  Those who say thirty-two refuse to place any value on the life of someone who would do such a thing.  He was an animal or a demon -- short of being human -- and unworthy of being given the same values as the lives he took.  Those who say thirty-three saw the shooter as a person with value as well, a deeply disturbed person with no friends but still created in the image of God.

Funeral and memorial services are sometimes tough on family members.  At a loved one's death, we rejoice in the hope of heaven, but we also feel our own mortality more than ever.

We wonder if we have sufficientely said our peace.  Have grudges been resolved and disappointments been forgiven?  Could we have done something to shave the distance that still existed between us?  A helplessness sets in as the end nears.

But there is also a warm, enveloping blanket of God's grace over this all.  We feel our own mortality, see someone else's, and yet somehow there is an ability to accept, as the Serenity Prayer has it, "what we cannot change."

The only regret we may have is:  Why didn't we come to this realization sooner?  Why do we have to be near the end before we can let go?  We apply God's grace and forgiveness at the end because we don't have a choice; we need to learn how to do this while we do have a choice.

Forgiveness is all about letting go.  Those who don't forgive are the ones who find themselves mired in their own hostility and blame, headed toward becoming the very thing they hate.  We think we are setting the other person free by forgiving, but we are really doing ourselves the biggest favor.  Forgivess becomes for us a sigh of relief -- a newfound freedom.

The Serenity Prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr, and popularized through Alcoholics Anonymous movement, is a fitting prayer for living like you were dying.
 
       God grant me the serenity
       To accept the things I cannot change;
       Courage to change the things I can;
       And wisdom to know the difference.

Part of what we cannot change is what others have done to us.  Part of what we can change is to forgive them and release them from our judgment.  It takes courage, but we have to forgive in order to be at peace with others and ourselves.  We can forgive.  We can let it go.  And the sooner we do this, the better.  Don't wait until someone's deathbed, or your own.

Many people do not realize that the Serenity Prayer doesn't end there.  The rest of this prayer may not be as well known as the first four line, but it is well suited for our study.

     Living one day at a time;
     Enjoying one moment at a time;
     Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
     Taking, as He did, this sinful world
     As it is, not as I would have it;
     Trusting that He will make all things right
     If I surrender to His Will;
     That I may be resonably happy in this life
     And supremely happy with Him
     Forever in the next.
     Amen.

This is the essence of forgiveness:  surrender of our expectations, our rights, and our pride to God's will; giving him control in our lives and trusting that he has our best in mind in all circumstances.

Some of you are trapped in the hold of particularly helpless form of unforgiveness, because the person you are unwilling to forgive is no longer alive.  You can't find peace, because you can't go to them, nor can they release you.  But God can release you, in fact he already has.  All that remains is for you to believe him and let go.  So let it go, and step into the freedom of God's forgivenss, both for you and for the person you need to forgive.  It's your choice now.

Reflective thoughts:

1.  When was the last time you lost a relative, friend, or neighbor?  Were you on good terms? Were you close?  Could you have been closer?  What were your regrets?  Now take those regrets and apply the lesson learned to someon who is alive.  Determine a plan of action for that person.

2.  Is there someone with whom you have having a conflict?  If that person were dying, would you go to them?  What would you say?

3.  Are you unable to forgive someone who has passed on?  Even though they are gone, it can be helpful to write that person a letter, and set them and yourself free.