Why Not Forgive

Taken from the Live Like You Are Dying Reading Journal ... Week 4; Day 2

"What do we think we are gaining by not forgiving someone?  Have you ever thought about that?  Being unforgiving is something of which we're not very conscious; it's a natural human reaction to being hurt.  That's probably because, if we actually thought through what we were doing, we would see how useless it is.  However, today let's think about it.

The main reason we withhold forgiveness is most often a desire for justice, which isn't entirely wrong.  Justice is good and right, but not in our hands.  Only God can judge fairly and impartially.  Yet someone needs to pay for wrongs done, and we think that by not forgiving someone we are evening the score.  If someone has hurt us, we believe our refusal to forgive is a way of hurting that person back -- letting the offender know just how serious an offense they have committed.  We might even think we are giving God a helping hand with justice.  To forgive would be to "let them off the hook," when what we really want to do is inflict upon them something of the pain they have caused us.

But think a little further about this.  What do we actually accomplish by refusing to forgive?  Usually not what we seek.  Payment extracted is rarely equal to the crime.  We damage ourselves far more in this process than we do anyone else.  We think we are making a big impact by not forgiving someone when, in fact, we are only carrying on our own private vendetta in our heads.  Hold a grudge and so what?  Everyone's lives move on -- everyone, that is except our own.  That is how it goes when we deny forgiveness:  we try to punich someone, but in reality, we are the ones who remain in prison.

If justice is the big deal (and it is) we are not good disseminators of it.  Here's what the Bible says about this:  "Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written:  'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord" (Romans 12:17-19).

Justice will be done, but not by our hand.  In fact, we don't want to have anything to do with this business, because if we do, we are placing ourselves under God's judgment as well.

Which do you want for yourself:  God's justice, or God's mercy?  I can't think, given this choice, why anyone in his right mind would choose God's justice; and yet, when we judge someone else, this is what we are doing.  We are announcing to God that we are choosing that we are choosing justice over mercy.

On the other hand, if we want mercy, then that is what we must give.  We can't have it both ways.  We can't have mercy for ourselves, and justice for all the people we don't like.

So "as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Reflective thoughts -
1.  Think about a time when you were denying forgiveness to someone.  Sometimes unforgiveness disguises itself.  Search your heart.  Is there bitterness, cynicism, or distrust?  Seriously consider this question, "How has my lack of forgiveness impacted my life?"

2.  This week, be a peacemaker.  Don't be so easily offended.  Don't cling so tightly to your rights.  Be a little more understanding and see if anyone notices.